So here I am in snow covered Berlin...
Yes, I can create myself any kind of identity I choose here, as I am the anonymous one.
True, everything is new and exciting to the eyes, ears and nose.
But there is a down side...there always is right?
The first major issue is...I don't speak the language!
This is huge as it means that I can't even read the ingredients or instructions on anything.
If I look for a yoga studio, I can't even read what they are offering.
Taking a train is a nightmare when you have no clue where you are going or no clue how to ask someone for help.
This used to be fun when I was young and carefree, but now whilst I carrying my little one in the ergo and freezing to death fun seems like a long way away.
These are big issues ....But this all adds to an even bigger issue....
POWER!!
Not being able to read or write or speak even, I am like a very small child.
The only difference being that a child (mine in particular) has massive power wrapped up in all her cuteness!
The balance of power within my relationship has tipped dramatically in favor of my hubby, after all he is German.
He now not only enjoys to be in control, he actually needs to be in control on a practical level and this I am discovering, is a deadly combination.
I have wracked my brain, trying to think of how I can even up the scales even just a little, but so far I am only coming up with blanks.
Don't get me wrong, I am trying and will continue to do so and of course I will eventually learn some German (won't I??).
But will these new dynamics between us be too entrenched to change by then??
Scary thought!
I am indeed needing to grab some gumption,
To jump in with both boots on and go for it!!
Okay, so maybe I need a push!
*PUSH* :)
ReplyDeleteIt would really bug me if my husband had more power in our relationship than I did. I hope you can find a way to be more assertive. No fun being so dependent on someone!
Lisa, No fun at all!! But I am having to learn the art of surrender and fast...but this is another post!
ReplyDeleteYou know, I have gone the opposite way on this.
ReplyDeleteI have used the not knowing the language to work in my favour. Needing desperately to have as much me time as I can squeeze with the high-needs baby, I can get out of doing a lot. So many errands I can't so don't do. lol
And don't have to speak to strangers or be extra sociable, when I'd rather sleep or blog or just BE instead.
Power comes in many disguises. Just saying. ;)
In response to your comment on Mummy Zen, I was thinking you should look around for some English speaking playgroups to meet some other non-natives. I'm sure you've thought of this yourself and will have a look around but here are a couple of links:
ReplyDeletehttp://freenet-homepage.de/playgroup/
http://www.berlin-playgroup.org/