Saturday, August 28, 2010

Bringing me to my knees

Delhi Belly, it is almost like a tax you have to pay when you visit India... Almost everyone gets it at least once!
It hits you like a high speed rocket right in your solar plexus and brings you to your knees... literally!

Running between the bed and the loo is not much fun and getting so weak so quickly is terrifying!
Losing kilos as quick as a child loses interest in some plastic crappy toy brings both joy and horror all at the same time and the deep sensation of missing home (wherever that may be) is at times overwhelming!

Oh to be somewhere clean!! Somewhere familiar and safe and to be surrounded by all my stuff!!!

So, as awful and painful as it is, it seems that getting a dose of Delhi Belly proves to be a great opportunity for some deep introspection.

I start to really reflect on my "gypsy heart" and my need to move around the globe over and over again.
I start to ask myself what it is that I am REALLY looking for and if I think I will ever find it!

Who am I anyway?
Am I some ordinary house frau that is trying desperately to escape the hum drum life?
Or am I a sexy 40 something year old that loves the change that travel brings and the all the learning that comes with it?

Hmmm you know what, at this very moment in time I can't honestly answer that question!

I guess in the end this is the key right?
Hey wait, I think I have just had an epiphany!!!

Ok, so first I need to discover who I really am and then and only then will I be able to find THE place where I will feel at home. The thing is, does all this moving and traveling and learning and exploring open doorways to my inner side that would otherwise not be revealed?
Or do I need to stay in one spot and explore what surfaces in such a situation??

Ok answers please!!

Monday, August 23, 2010

So here I am…. after 9 months, 5 countries and too many plane rides to count, I am sitting here, in this little house over looking the Himalayas in Northern India, with a heart full of gratitude and a head full of stories.

My little one is sleeping, the monsoon rain is falling heavily outside as it does every afternoon now and finally, I can once again after what seems like an eternity
return to my blog.

Returning to this space to write after so very long is kind of the same as when I run into an old friend I haven’t seen for ages and I have just so much to share and hear that I just don’t know where to start. I end up either rambling on in what sounds like a jumbled mess, with arms and facial expressions flying around everywhere or at times when it is all just too much to share in a supermarket isle, I simply say “hey yeah, I am fine!” And then of course walk off feeling totally frustrated!

Anybody out there know what I mean?

That age old question of where to begin chants over and over in my mind and the answer I get is always the same… at the beginning… But do you know what, I am not so sure that that is how we women communicate best….

Don’t we kind of get together and ok we might start at one point but don’t we move in circles and waves and spirals rather than straight lines that go from beginning to end?

Don’t we dance to and fro, mixing this with that, relating one to the other?
Sounds like a style of communication that would be tremendously difficult to follow right? My hubby surely thinks so!!

But we do follow don’t we?

We not only follow, we relate to what the other is sharing and somehow even though we may be worlds apart on many levels, we get it… we feel it…we share it.

I am finding that there is something so very special about women getting together.. Yes of course I have felt this on many occasions with familiar friends but now, moving around the globe with my little one, I feel as though I am touching on something even more special.

I am meeting women from different places, with different cultures, stories backgrounds, lifestyles, likes and dislikes and yet we gravitate towards each other with the force of a power unknown.

Even as I endevour to support my very independent almost 2 year old as she navigates the holes in the road, the stinging nettles and the massive amounts of cow dung on the way to the local eating place, a silent knowing look and encouraging smile from the passing woman who is also playing a similar game as me with her toddler, seems to fill a space in me that at times can feel very empty.

I hope you out there can manage to navigate yourself through the above ramblings of my thoughts of words and I hope now that I am BACK, we can continue to share our "ramblings" on a more regular basis!!

For now though, I have come to that place at the supermarkert isle, when I need to go "Ok now it is all to much!" I am going to allow myself to silently stare out the window at the beauty of this place that surrounds me and just do nothing until my little Lotus flower wakes :)