Since the loss of my last baby a few weeks ago, my once curly long hair has become this limp, bent out of shape mess that is falling out faster than I can blink! (Hence the transformation in my profile shot)
When I wash what is left... I am sure there is more left on the floor than on my head.
I don't know what it is about hair... I know that it is such an external thing and I know it is soooo superficial to worry about what my hair looks like BUT I do!
For years I have meditated for long hours in silence... coming to deep understandings about attachments and the suffering related to them.
I have been able to "let go" of this, that and the other in my life so as to reduce my attachments and the suffering that goes with them.
And yet, when I see my hair clogging up the drain and when I look in the mirror and see and what I see.....I cry!
No amount of contemplation or rationalisation can help.....
I am losing my hair and it sucks!
But I am THANKFUL ANYWAYS because my daughter is a hairdresser and a life saver and she quickly cut my hair into a bob (so it looks thicker than what it is).
I am THANKFUL ANYWAYS that someone invented straightening irons so that my "bent" hair now can look decent.
I am THANKFUL ANYWAYS because I know it will grow back again eventually
and I am THANKFUL ANYWAYS for vegan chocolate cake because it takes the pain away even if it is only for a few delicious moments :)
Oh hun, my hair is another limb, I couldn't imagine this (and I HAD wondered about your pics!).
ReplyDeleteThis does suck big. I guess if it happened to me, I would ne thankful anyway because it was my body helping to visual letting go. When I lost my babies, I did letting go rituals. Its almost like your body is helping.
((HUGS))
hey, you got my old template! it's lovely isn't it?
It's interesting how our hair can affect us (despite it being superficial maybe). It strangely seems linked to our emotions somehow. A new hair style can feel like a fresh start, liberating and many other things....
ReplyDeleteMy sister-in-law has just her third consecutive miscarriage and also a new hair cut because she felt she needed something completely different.
I'm sorry to hear of your loss but glad to see you dealing positively with your hair situation :-)
Mummy Zen
www.mummyzen.com
Mon, good point about the hair loss being connected to me letting go...and I didn't realise I had picked up your old blog, it is so easy and lovely to use!
ReplyDeleteMummy zen, thanks for popping in :) Your point about hair and emotions being connected is very true in my case...hair loss is always the first sign when something is up, just not usually this bad!
I'm so sorry for the loss of your baby. I was just thinking about my own miscarriage from a few years ago and thinking I should write about it, and remembering how very hard it was. Having your body go through such conspicuous changes afterwards is a tough reminder of the inner ones taking place.
ReplyDeleteI really did love my pregnancy hair, because for once in my life it was thick. So I have no real words of comfort for you, just wanted to sigh along with you at the thought of all that loveliness clogging the drain in the shower.
Enjoy your cake! And, P.S., I think your hair looks lovely in your profile pic — so shiny and smooth and healthy — so it's probably you who notices the difference the most.
I don't think being attached to one's hair is superficial. It's a part of our bodies. And our bodies are a part of who we are. And, honestly, hair can make or break our appearance. It can say a lot about us. (Although I personally dislike the fact that the most manageable way to deal with my hair is not really in keeping with my personality.) *sigh*
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I hope you let yourself have a good cry about it. It sounds like you need an emotional release! *hugs*