My hubby has been working away for a while now and I have only seen him on a few occasions in the last few months.
We are a very close couple...
going everywhere together,
enjoying each other's company,
meditating side by side,
laughing at the same jokes,
enjoying the same movies, music and moments....
When he is not with me it feels as though a part of me is missing
I feel empty somehow
I can fill the gaps and spaces of my day and night with all sorts of shapes, colors and sounds
But there is still that empty feeling
Life is soooo tough for me when he is not here
There is MORE physical space when he is not here
but there is less space in my mind somehow
The days are longer without him...So are the nights
Moments to myself are harder to come by (although my eldest daughter is wonderful at giving me time)
It feels like I am forever cooking
It feels like I am on auto pilot
Meditation moments are less and less
I miss him
BUT I am thankful anyway because, I know he is coming back and SOON.
I am thankful to have found him in the first place all those years ago
I am thankful that I have the strength and skill to do what I do
I am thankful that I have patience
I am thankful for Sophie being here
I am thankful that I have found the world of blogging and all my blogging sisters
ooh, I've always admired this template, just wish I could get rid of that 'Web 2.0' logo.
ReplyDeleteOh, anyway.... this must be tough when you rely on someone else's presence so much. I find I slip back into that too easily (possibly my Libran side). That weird line between love and reliance. Between missing them and missing yourself. Tough to negotiate. My recent troubles really shook me up in that way.
What do you GAIN though? In these moments for you?
These past months have been particularly tough...with the loss of my baby, trouble with a tenant of ours, other kinds of illness, I really would have liked to have my hubby here... I guess as witness of my experiences.
ReplyDeleteSometimes...at some point...I wondered whether what was happening was real, it would have helped to have had him here.
But, I am a very strong and capable woman and I know it is because of these times, when I am alone and am doing it tough...so I am grateful to the universe for working it out this way...but his strong arms around me when the tears were flowing heavily would have been a wonderful comfort :)
I understand completely hun. x
ReplyDeleteThis is soo beautiful, that you are married to a man you absolutely adore and vice versa - your children must be very happy people especially because of this too :)
ReplyDeletei can relate to your sadness. it is often hard for me to deal with my husband's absence. it's hard to think of things to be grateful for about this sometimes. for me, i'm happy that i have a relationship that is good enough that i truly miss him when he's not with me. i have heard so many women mention how HAPPY they are when the holidays or weekends are over and their husbands return to work! because their husbands annoy them, or for who knows what other reasons.
ReplyDeletesending warm wishes to you and your family~
Thanks for all your lovely and supportive comments mountainmama...I too very often hear women saying how glad they are that their husbands are away and I feel sorry that they are not enjoying their partners presence...My hubby and I know we are very lucky and we tell each other often. The down side is I know it is a major attachment that one day one of us will have to say goodbye too...I guess this is the reality of existence but as the old saying goes I would rather have to lose love than never have it at all :)
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