Thursday, November 26, 2009

which Goddess shall I be today?

So in under a week I leave my home turf once again, to embark on a new chapter in my life.
We are going from rural Queensland to mid city about going from one extreme to the other!!!

There are so many things I am really looking forward to like....
experiencing a cold christmas, hopefully with some snow
Going for walks in a snake free forest
Wearing gloves, scarves and beanies
Watching mother nature as she moves from season to season (we only have two seasons here, wet and dry!)
Living in a place that has more than 3000 people
Having everything I need and more, right at my finger tips

But the thing I am looking forward to most, is being the foreigner.

I think this is what I really love about traveling....

I like the fact that everything is new to me and that I am new to everything and everyone.

I can create and re-create myself to be whoever and whatever I choose.
It is a bit like going to a fancy dress party and choosing a costume and a mask to wear.

I think we all wear different masks according to who we are with and what we are doing...I am not saying we pretend to be something we are is more that we express different aspects of what we are in different situations.

I am many things rolled into one, maybe it is because my sun is in Gemini, maybe it is because I am a woman who loves to roam and I have collected and added many different things into my being...what ever the reason I am many different women rolled into one.

Sometimes I am Hestia, bringing beauty and safety into my home for myself and my family.
Sometimes I am Athena, cramming in 45 minutes of academic study whilst my little one sleeps.
Sometimes I am Aphrodite....need I say more????
Sometimes I am Artemis, fiercly protective of women and womanhood.
And sometimes Demeter, with protecting arms around my daughters.

Unfortunately it seems that I have yet to find the environment or space in which I feel I can allow all the different aspects of my self to emerge. What seems to happen is that when I am in a certain place for some time, habits tend to form...friendships are made and expectations are built. In other words, people get to know me as being reserved for example, and they tend to expect me to always be that way, so my extroverted whacky side gets pushed down underneath and temporarily fades away.

So I move through my days playing out this or that role....
Slowly over time, irritation starts to build and initially I am not sure why.
The Freddy Mercury song "I want to break free" starts playing over and over in my head...
I start feeling trapped, bound up, suppressed almost.
I start looking through travel books, old photos of journeys past...
Eventually I arm myself with Artemis' bow and head for the wilderness.

People may say that I am running from this or that but I don't see it that way.
I like to explore my planet and each time I go on a journey I discover another side of myself...another missing piece to the puzzle of who I am.

Living in Berlin will force me to dig deep and retrieve many of the old pieces of me that have been stored away for many years and it will also force me to add new pieces to my ever growing collection.
I will have to wear different clothes (otherwise I will freeze to death)
I will have to do different things with my little one (from 2 acres to 90 square meters... hmmm)
I will have to speak a different language, eat different food, hear different sounds.....

I can be who ever I choose to be....

I am hoping that being in a huge city, rather than a small country town will provide me with the space which will allow the continuous metamorphosis...the continual becoming of my self.
This is my desire, this is my pledge to my self.

I will keep you posted!


  1. Oooh, how exciting!! My parents just got back from a few days in Berlin and loved it. How long will you be there? Release all your inner goddesses and have fun!

  2. Have never been but from what I've heard, Berlin sounds like a great city, lucky you! I love that freedom that anywhere outside of where you are used to living brings. It's very liberating.
    I made a Goddess box a way back with Goddesses who I identify with (well the ones I had pics of at the time of making it!)

  3. I've been thinking about this very concept lately. I guess being around certain people brings out certain aspects of ourselves, and then we fall into those habits. We realize they like us, and we don't want to change the relationship by acting differently--because maybe they won't like us anymore. But we are always changing, are we not?

    I've been wanting to start a new blog because I don't feel free to write about certain things except in an anonymous way. But I am also curious to see how others might react to my new "mask".

    I do think that my current blog has helped me meld myself together a bit...since so many groups read it, including my friends and family, that I can't just be one persona on it. I have to be as honest as I can, and then continue to interact with these people in's hard to explain.

    Anyway, I agree with you...traveling is a way to explore ourselves, and learn new things about ourselves. It's only running away if you are, in fact, running away from something, but it sounds like you are running toward something instead.

  4. Oh, I had to comment as soon as I read your mention of Freddie Mercury's song. "I want to break free" is a song I have had stuck in my head for the entire month of November - it is a song I have always loved, so I was amazed to hear someone else casually mention it....

    I have been feeling particularly stuck recenlty and have wanting to move (figuratively and literally), learn, grow, see more, do more, especially for my kids to do more, see more. I think I want to feel more alive, and this weird little house that we bought a few months ago doesn't support that at need at all. Thoughts of moving the family to Mexico for a year, or selling a house for a boat have been rampant lately.

    I found your blog through Muddy Bare Feet and I'm glad I did, lots of stuff to relate to, many great reads, I look forward to looking around a bit here. I am in awe at your courage and willingness to move about the globe as you do! Thanks for sharing the experience with others.

  5. Mummyzen - we are flexible at the moment, just seeing how things pan out and how I cope with the speed and force of city life. If things go well it could be permanent or at least a few years...alternativley it could be just 6 months :)
    Ruth-do you identify with the same goddesses now as you did then???
    EdenWild - I agree, writing an anonymous blog would give more space to express openly for sure, but I guess doing it with our identity provides us with challenges we wouldn't otherwise encounter!
    Krista - Nice to connect with you :)

  6. Really appreciating what you have written here. I have moved around quite a bit in my life, sometimes moving just a few miles, sometimes continents, and while I have always welcomed this adventure, even the feeling of being other, there is something inside me of that wants to root, to ground, to connect. It is only now that I am coming to a sense of peace and a sense of understanding about the home within, the place of the spirit, my soul. I suppose all my traveling and wandering is part of my journey to myself. Sometimes it is exhausting but usually invigorating. You have inspired me to return again to some of my most treasured landscapes--Egypt, America, England, Greece, Scotland, and of course the landscape of my children's arm--even if only in my mind's eye to remember who I was and who I still am. Thank you. Peace, Nicki

  7. chuckle - we are on such simalar journeys and ways of being. :)

  8. Berlin, how exciting! I look forward to reading your posts from there...I used to be very nomadic, but don't feel so much that way anymore, but we are all different...It's interesting to me what you said about people expecting you to be a certain way once you've known them for awhile...that is the hard thing about socializing, I think, and especially family and long-term friends. How to allow each other space to change? Most we like to pin each other down, because it makes our world seem more stable. I do think we are all a myriad of beings (I love the goddess images you listed...) I guess I have begun to just see it as different roles we play with different people, and that it is OK, that our essential self can't be seen, really, by anyone else besides ourselves, and that that is fine, doesn't diminish the relationships...I hope you find space and freedom in Berlin...