Thursday, November 26, 2009
which Goddess shall I be today?
So in under a week I leave my home turf once again, to embark on a new chapter in my life.
We are going from rural Queensland to mid city Berlin...talk about going from one extreme to the other!!!
There are so many things I am really looking forward to like....
experiencing a cold christmas, hopefully with some snow
Going for walks in a snake free forest
Wearing gloves, scarves and beanies
Watching mother nature as she moves from season to season (we only have two seasons here, wet and dry!)
Living in a place that has more than 3000 people
Having everything I need and more, right at my finger tips
But the thing I am looking forward to most, is being the foreigner.
I think this is what I really love about traveling....
I like the fact that everything is new to me and that I am new to everything and everyone.
I can create and re-create myself to be whoever and whatever I choose.
It is a bit like going to a fancy dress party and choosing a costume and a mask to wear.
I think we all wear different masks according to who we are with and what we are doing...I am not saying we pretend to be something we are not...it is more that we express different aspects of what we are in different situations.
I am many things rolled into one, maybe it is because my sun is in Gemini, maybe it is because I am a woman who loves to roam and I have collected and added many different things into my being...what ever the reason I am many different women rolled into one.
Sometimes I am Hestia, bringing beauty and safety into my home for myself and my family.
Sometimes I am Athena, cramming in 45 minutes of academic study whilst my little one sleeps.
Sometimes I am Aphrodite....need I say more????
Sometimes I am Artemis, fiercly protective of women and womanhood.
And sometimes Demeter, with protecting arms around my daughters.
Unfortunately it seems that I have yet to find the environment or space in which I feel I can allow all the different aspects of my self to emerge. What seems to happen is that when I am in a certain place for some time, habits tend to form...friendships are made and expectations are built. In other words, people get to know me as being reserved for example, and they tend to expect me to always be that way, so my extroverted whacky side gets pushed down underneath and temporarily fades away.
So I move through my days playing out this or that role....
Slowly over time, irritation starts to build and initially I am not sure why.
The Freddy Mercury song "I want to break free" starts playing over and over in my head...
I start feeling trapped, bound up, suppressed almost.
I start looking through travel books, old photos of journeys past...
Eventually I arm myself with Artemis' bow and head for the wilderness.
People may say that I am running from this or that but I don't see it that way.
I like to explore my planet and each time I go on a journey I discover another side of myself...another missing piece to the puzzle of who I am.
Living in Berlin will force me to dig deep and retrieve many of the old pieces of me that have been stored away for many years and it will also force me to add new pieces to my ever growing collection.
I will have to wear different clothes (otherwise I will freeze to death)
I will have to do different things with my little one (from 2 acres to 90 square meters... hmmm)
I will have to speak a different language, eat different food, hear different sounds.....
I can be who ever I choose to be....
I am hoping that being in a huge city, rather than a small country town will provide me with the space which will allow the continuous metamorphosis...the continual becoming of my self.
This is my desire, this is my pledge to my self.
I will keep you posted!