Friday, May 14, 2010

Having babies after 40... yes or no?

So, here I am 41 (42 this year) and still thinking of having another baby, am I crazy?

I can't quite work it out, I feel the same inside as I have always felt.
Of course I have learnt things and experienced things and changed my mind about this that or the other but on the whole, I feel the same as I did when I had my first baby almost 20 years ago!

The majority of time, I skip along through my days without realising how old I am... Okay so I don't feel physically feel like a 20 year old and I don't act like a 20 year old either ( I don't think) and ok, I can admit I definitely don't look like a 20 year old... I am simply me and have always been me and so when I am confronted with comments like "you are too old to be having babies" funnily enough, I am initially really suprised.

I remember when I was in my 20's thinking that people in their 40's were SOOOOO old but now I am here in the 40's, well things look a little different!

I would love to give my little 19 month old a sibling around her own age and at times I don't think about any of the negative stuff but then my mind starts throwing things at me like "shouldn't you be concerned about looking like a pregnant grandmother?" or "Aren't you worried about not fitting in when you go to playgroup with your little one?" or "how will you feel if your kids are ashamed of having an OLD mum?"

Just a few years ago when I got pregnant with my youngest daughter I didn't think twice, but now it feels like I am supposed to have all these concerns.

Have I crossed some invisible line and so now fall into the category where being spontaneous, carefree and going with what feels right is not allowed???

There are women all over the world having babies at my age and older.... aren't there???

Thoughts anyone???
And, if you are out there mums over 40 let me know!!!


  1. In the world I know, it seems that 40 is the average age to have children so I wouldn't consider you old for having one at 42. And I don't think there is much difference between 39 and 42! But there is a difference between 42 and 47 in terms of having babies I think - I cannot imagine raising young children in my 50s. Nooooo way. But 40s, yes (I'm 29).

    I can totally understand your want to have another baby - to me being pregnant and having babies is one of the ultimate experiences :).

  2. I know a mom around your age who has a twelve year old and an eight year old and has been trying to get pregnant. At first I was a little surprised because I don't know many moms who space their children that far apart, but of course she had been trying a while back and then got cancer and then lost a son (her younger son's twin) and so now is finally getting back to trying. Honestly, I think it is such a beautiful thing that a mother would try to have a baby because she really wants one, and not letting her age or age gaps between her children stop her. We never stop being mothers, and I don't think there is any reason why we should feel confined to arbitrary limitations on when and how we should have children. If you think your body can handle it, and you want to do it, then why not? And seriously, there are plenty of forty-something women have babies these days.

  3. I think that your energy behind the possibility says it all. When you factor out the cultural expectations and chatter, you know.

    You can find plenty of people to tell you YES and plenty to tell you NO.

  4. I don't think you're too old to have another if that's what you choose to do. My best friend in high school, her mom was in her late 50s I believe when my friend was 14/15 yrs old. I think if you are able to have another and want to have another then you should. Don't listen to those that say you're too old or that your child would be embarrassed. How could someone say such a thing? I wasn't aware that going to playgroups was a requirement to being a mom either. I'm 40, my girls are in their teens, and if I could have another I would.

  5. I'm 36 and while I am finished having kids a lot of my older friends (three off the top of my head) aren't or still want to try for their first. And like Ruth said, there isn't much of a difference between 39 and 42. If your body can get pregnant then you aren't too old to have kids, as far as I can tell. Nature wouldn't make it a possibility if we weren't meant to be able to.

  6. it isn't anyone else's business frankly. yes, there ARE certian concerns, after 35 - more risks to mother and baby. but as long as you're aware of them, then the desire to have a baby is a beautiful thing.

    40 these days isn't like 40 in the 19thC. it's really an old-fashioned worry that these people are holding onto.

  7. I'm surrounded by women having babies in their 40s. I had my twins at 39. Like Mon said, 40 isn't what 40 used to be, our life expectancies are so much longer, etc. So I think it is a very personal choice, and like all choices, particular considerations come along with it, which are different than when you are thinking about having a baby in your twenties.

  8. Who are these women anyway?

    Are they your friends? If so, they will understand you, if they are not your friends, then does their opinion matter? (hypothetically as I know opinions do tend to matter however hard we try to not let them.)

    If it is meant to be then it will happen, good luck to you.