You may or may not have noticed that I have been missing in action for a while now.
I have been going through quite a process since arriving here in Berlin, spiraling through to the depths and winding my way, albeit slowly, back out....such is the undertow of the winter darkness!
Things are changing all the time... my weight, the sky, my moods, my desires and the issue.
The last few days it is the story of Demeter and her precious daughter Persephone that have been consuming my soul.
My own Persephone was taken from me by the devil himself sometime ago and I have wandered the planet in frustration ever since, trying to rid myself of the fury that has taken up residence within me.
Sometimes I plunge into darkness for days and drag the whole world with me, leaving no color or warmth or sunshine behind and other times I force my way to the surface, so I can once again bask in the summer sun and regain my energy and strength.
On sunday it will be Persephone's birthday and my womb already aches in such a deep way as it remembers her resting there in peace and safety. The tears flow readily and the fury within can only be known by the mother who has lost her child.
There is no-one to blame for the misery but myself, I turned my back on the devil... he tricked me and I fell for it, losing something so precious as a result.
The power I feel is immense, I feel the full weight of Demeter and her rage behind me...Making me larger than life.
It is frightening
It is thrilling
My lesson is to channel this rage, to let it work for me, not against me....
If only I had on hand a paint brush and the color red... the color of the womb, the color of blood, the color of passionate rage.
Oh, I wish you strength and insight to transmute that rage...it is a power. I can't imagine what it feels like to go through what you are, but someday it will change, right? All things change, so it is bound too. You can only do what you can do. And perhaps there will be a new strength in both you and your daughter because of this...I don't mean to offer platitudes, but to say nothing feels wrong too...
ReplyDeleteRage is good...for a time, and if channelled.... It's a process that pains, but stay aware dear one, and you will always emerge.
ReplyDeleteGo find a brush.... hugs
Yes, channel that rage, make it work for you! For me, during my times of deep anger have been the times I've created my greatest poetry. Go get something to express yourself with!
ReplyDeleteI hope you found a brush to vent that amazing energy. And how are you now? I hope you are well and things are starting to settle, or that spring energy is bringing you some new fresh air to take deep lovely bresths in.
ReplyDelete